In writing this article we realize that we have the potential to come across as self-righteous, never do wrong, (you fill in the blank) neighbors. That is certainly not our intent. We will simply offer some reflections and lessons learned from being in Human Resources Management and teaching Leadership and Group Dynamics classes at UNC for 14 years. Teaching Leadership and Group Dynamics was Diane’s favorite class. She loved watching students gain insights into their feelings, thoughts and actions. Given Diane and LeAnn’s previous work, they reached out to Nancy after she voiced her concerns in her role as the new Board President. The idea was born. Nancy asked if Ed, and LeAnn and Diane, could team up to write two articles for the newsletter. Ed eloquently outlined 6 attitudes and 3 ways to use our voices to build a healthy community. We will certainly try to embody these practices as we interact with others, and hope others will also take his lessons to heart. Our intent in this article is to offer insights on how to be mindful of our feelings, thoughts, and actions as a way to promote healing.
Diane often discussed with her students how all of us have moments where we act “less than our best”. There are so many reasons why we are pushed to behave in unattractive ways, but the bottom line is… our feelings and actions are always in our control. Our thoughts, well those can be like “wild stallions” that just got let out of a fence. We can’t control the thoughts that race into our head. Like when we “wish a coconut would fall out of a tree and hit my neighbor in the head so they would shut the heck up!” Oops. Did I really just think that? Well, yes you did. We all have thoughts that pop into our head that might be less than neighborly. However, when thoughts arise do you refer back to the 9 elements Ed discussed in his article to feel and behave in an appropriate manner despite your thoughts? In these moments, are we still able to listen to our neighbor, to really hear what they are trying to say, to allow them to speak freely without dominating them, or making them feel threatened or ostracized because we strongly disagree with their view on how to approach a subject? When faced with critical moments such as these, we have turned to the I Ching to provide insight on how to use moments to grow, heal, and achieve harmony and good in a community.
The I Ching is an ancient Chinese text that is a guide to Life’s Turning Points. Our favorite interpretation is by Brian Brown Walker. The I Ching posits that we all have inferior and superior qualities and it teaches one how to respond to negative influences in a manner that avoids harm and maintains well-being. It encourages us to embody qualities such as: modesty, awareness, tolerance, devotion to inner truth, compassion, balance, adaptability, and acceptance, while letting go of inferior qualities such as ego, fear, anger, arrogance, anxiety, aggressiveness, and harshness. Ahhhh. Can’t you just imagine a world where we are all able to master these healing principles?
In the end, we cannot control how others act, or what they say. All we can do is control our response. In doing so we can feel assured that we have done our part to dampen the noise and build a really great community. If anyone is interested in learning more about the I Ching we welcome the opportunity to meet out by the pool and throw some coins! Wine in hand of course.
Humbly submitted by Diane Groff and LeAnn Hinson (True story. LeAnn did get hit in the head with a coconut one day walking down the beach in Belize).
